Unrequited love left me devastated.
It hurts like very few other things do.
I didn’t get what I wanted.
Instead life gave me something invaluable.
I finally realized I was blinded by the reflection of my own light.
Idealizing my idea of someone didn’t let me see what’s already there.
Buried deep inside me, waiting to be embraced and unleashed.
It is my love for myself that has been unrequited all along.
My dream is met with pitiless indifference.
I was dreaming of falling into someone.
Never touching the ground again.
Finally I’m falling.
Into the void.
Self-pity and self-imposed limitations are paralyzing me.
Rejection is the inevitable consequence.
I feel longing and yearning.
I’m burning with desire.
What ignited that passion in my heart?
Was it her smile? Her smell? The way she moves?
That shining light is blinding me.
Yet I can’t look away.
How did I get here?
I’m not able to grasp it.
I’m back but where is the summer?
My first female portrait was quite a challenge. Women are difficult to paint in general. I was mostly scared of making her look older. Besides I had no idea how to paint the hair and which colors to mix. And the lighting of the original photo didn’t help much either. On top of this the painting was supposed to be a surprise for the lady. Anyhow it somehow worked out and I think she really liked it!
Secret Santa made this as a Christmas gift last year.
I like the little daily paintings of artists like Carole Marine and Edward B. Gordon. So I also tried to go small this time.
I was planning to stick with portrait and figure painting for a while but my wife demanded something flowery for the wall. So I ended up doing this water lily in summer 2013.